As a divorce attorney, you may have come across a few amicable separations. But, most divorce lawyers will agree that separations are never short and sweet. With emotions running high, all it takes is one jibe, and the process turns into an emotional nightmare for everyone, including the legal counsel.
However, as a legal advisor, you can prevent this from happening. Usually, your clients will have essential discussions about divorce in the offices of therapists or relationship advisors. Sometimes, however, you can extend emotional support to your clients to help them sail through the storm.
If you help them break the news of divorce in the most genial manner, things are less likely to take a turn for the worse. There is no easy way to talk to a spouse about getting a divorce. But, with your help, it can become a lot easier as your professional experience can prove helpful in this regard.
Here are five precautions you should advise your clients to take when asking for a divorce.
- Choose the Right Time and Place
When clients set their mind to get a divorce, they feel eager to share their thoughts with their spouse. Irrespective of how much trouble their marriage has been through over time, the decision may still come as a shock to their better half. This is why you should tell your client to break the bad news at a right time and place.
How you break the news will, in turn, shape how the divorce unfolds. So, ask your client to think hard about where and when they can announce their decision. For example, sharing the thought of wanting a divorce over text or in the presence of your children is always a bad idea. Such behavior shows the lack of responsibility and emotional intelligence and may work against your client during the proceedings.
As far as possible, ask the client to find a place and time where they can have a calm discussion. They should also have plenty of time to talk things through. Of course, there’s no best time or place to announce that your marriage is over. Still, you can ask the client to spare everyone the emotional drama that comes with it.
- Avoid Dissecting the Marriage
Whether you are a local family law attorney in Wheaton IL or a corporate establishment lawyer in Chicago, you know that clients often tend to dissect their marriage before going ahead with the divorce. As a lawyer who may have mediated divorces for hundreds of couples, you must know that investigating the past is the worst way to go through a divorce.
If your client keeps defending himself/herself or accusing the spouse when talking about the divorce, it will only worsen things. So, urge your client to avoid turning it into a blame game. Instead of throwing accusations at each other, ask your client to focus on how to get through the legal and emotional process.
Tell your client to refuse to participate in a conversation where their spouse is trying to draw them into a blame game. Instead, try to understand each other’s emotional state of mind. Are they both feeling equally unhappy in the marriage? Are they both willing to take the decision jointly? Would they like to have a trial separation? Knowing the answers to all these questions can help reduce some of the emotional stress.
- Stay Firm on Your Decision, but Be Gentle
Tell your client to be prepared for a lengthy discussion or a series of discussions once they have announced their desire to divorce. The way your client handles these discussions will decide the course of their divorce proceedings. They should be firm in their decision even though their spouse makes an emotional scene in retaliation to the decision.
Tell your client to approach their spouse gently and avoid raising their voice at all costs. They should tell their side of the story in a calm and composed voice. Once your client’s spouse knows that your client has made up their mind, the chances of retaliation will reduce to a great extent. Take this opportunity to keep the discussion going forward.
- Do Not Discuss the Separation Details
As a divorce lawyer, you must warn your clients never to discuss the divorce proceedings in detail. Clients often end up negotiating the settlement of the property and custody arrangements without their attorney’s knowledge. Your client shouldn’t start making choices about the kind of divorce they will have in your absence. If they do, it can always end up coming back to bite you and your client during the separation process.
For example, telling your spouse that you will probably have a separate living arrangement until the divorce goes through is okay. But, promising to hand them over the keys to your house after the divorce is settled is not acceptable.
Such promises, even verbal ones, may allow their spouse to get a bigger and better settlement eventually. So, strongly advise your client not to discuss anything outside the scope of announcing their decision to get a divorce. You and the client’s legal counsel can sort out the rest when the time comes.
- Always Be Prepared for the Worst
Last but not least, tell your client to be prepared for the worst. On many occasions, things will go sideways despite taking all precautions. This is one reason why most couples don’t have an amicable settlement. So, prepare them for what to expect in an ugly divorce. Be upfront about it. Being honest to your client can help build trust.
Parting Words
Getting a divorce is never easy. So, when it comes to asking for a divorce, your clients need all the help they can get. Telling your clients to keep these five things in mind before talking to their spouse can help you reduce their emotional stress substantially. Being a good support system will also improve your image as a client-friendly lawyer. It’s a win-win for everyone!
Author Information: Jenna Adams is a certified divorce coach by profession. She is associated with Peskind Law Firm, a St. Charles divorce law firmoffering family and divorce law services to the folks of Illinois. She specializes in everything when things come to divorce and beyond that. She helps people with setting up post-divorce goals to bring about improvements in their overall life.
